For Want of Love
Call me old fashioned and cheesy, but most lovers could do with better than an overcrowded day ending with a hefty bill and an after pill.
Love is in the air again. And no, you will not be getting a sniff.
I confess to a begrudging admiration of everyone that has expectations for Lovers’ Day. I am no expert on the subject, because I am relegated from the lovers’ league with no prospects or desire for promotion. But to have an opinion? That’s my job. Let us muse.
Society faithfully sets standards for expressing love. From incoherent extravagance to downright debauchery, the modern lover is spoilt for choice. Millions of consumables and experiences now exist to show our affection and (apparent) loyalty. The dating game seems like an elaborate scheme to produce a desired effect, be it a visit to the bedchamber, escape from loneliness or lifelong partnership. Soon you shall, yet again, be put to financial and emotional expense.
As we draw nearer to the day of “awws” and “ows”, let us pause to question why love costs many a thing. The economy of emotions is a peculiar thing. Despite its promise of mutual joy and fulfilment, it is secretly hinged on comparison — the master thief of joy. Its facilitators understand this concept very well. Restaurants, gift shops and peers actively package their products to convince us that by purchasing and partaking in their enterprise, we act as the ultimate lover should. Come ye all, and out-love one other. Everything you will do on the 14th — every step you take from the moment you wake up to the moment you sleep — lines someone else’s pocket. Starting with the soap all the way to the candles. Think of it as paying the soap manufacturer, the outfit tailor, the Uber guy, the hotel management and the scented candle maker to help you show your partner that you love them. Now, for most of you, it is no problem. The deception is the collective delusion that this is what everyone wants.
Call me old fashioned and cheesy, but most lovers can do with better than an overcrowded day ending with a hefty bill and an after pill. Open communication, trust and consistency will yet again take a backseat to optionable showmanship. If we spent more time figuring out the things that make us feel more loved and seen, communicating the same and investing presence in the bonds that are willing and able to provide them — many relationships would remain standing.
A caveat: I do not suggest that a worthwhile Valentine’s experience is a lost cause. It is, in my view, obscene that every year we must partake (willingly or not) in this ritual of make up, meals and photos, only to revert to disaffection and discovering infidelities immediately afterwards. We are better off sharing the littlest kindnesses consistently instead of an aggrandized communion of emotional and capitalist greed.
It is a perversion of love to make it about a single day. We all know romance was not built in a day.
